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If we want to have strong, harmonious,
enjoyable, nurturing, and healthy relationships, we
have to communicate effectively. Two of the most important
ingredients to effective communication are listening
and speaking. Seems simple, huh? So why is it that
so many people feel that no one listens to them, or
that they've been misunderstood? Why is it that we
get upset when people misconstrue or simply don't
understand what we say? The answer, too, is pretty
simple: because we may not really know how to listen
intently and thoroughly or to speak clearly and purposefully.
As a result, miscommunication causes strained relationships.
While our communication within our families, schools,
and churches affects our experience, our Guest
of the Month, Meggen Watt, operates in a world
in which communication determines the course of nations.
As a result, Ms. Watt is able to offer unique and
helpful insights into the process and impact of communication,
and especially about listening. After her interview,
I have shared some Practical Listening
Tips for improving communication and relationships.
As a Foreign Affairs Officer for the U.S. State Department
in the Nonproliferation Bureau, Ms. Watt is currently
part of the negotiating team for the "plutonium
disposition" initiative — furthering work
under the U.S.-Russian agreement to dispose of 34
tons of plutonium each by transforming weapon-grade
plutonium into plutonium that can no longer be used
for weapons. This nonproliferation initiative is a
"swords into plowshares" (Is. 2:4)
type of program.
What is the importance of communication to your
work on this nonproliferation initiative?
Good communication builds bridges. "Nonproliferation"
means "preventing the spread of weapons of mass
destruction," and my work has focused specifically
on nuclear nonproliferation. I see myself working
in a more preventative area — "preventing
the spread of nuclear weapons." Good listening
is key to preventing arguments and settling misunderstandings
within families, local communities, regions, countries,
and our global community. It's important to listen
to what is said. It's also important to listen to
what is not said. Sometimes you have a reasonably
good idea of what people think; sometimes you are
surprised. It requires a lot of careful listening.
What do you mean by careful listening?
Careful listening is being present and focused. It's
watching the non-verbal signs. For instance: perhaps
some of your colleagues have just laughed or frowned
at what you've said. It might not make it into your
notes, but you need to remember that's how your message
was received. Most of all, it's interacting with people.
In meetings, we all have instructions from our respective
capitals, which need to be carried out — communicated.
And these meetings take place so that everyone can
hear the views of the different governments, build
mutual understanding, and ultimately reach agreement.
What do you do when you're surprised?
Try not to react. It's best to acknowledge what has
been said, and it's perfectly all right to give a
response that allows you time to think.
Why is it important to allow you time to think?
When you say something, you need to make sure you
mean what you say. (Listen to yourself.) Sometimes
that takes a little bit of thought before the right
words come out. But it's very important. You must
use specific words in these international documents
because the interpreter tells you that this specific
word translates into Russian, for example, in a particular
way. So we go word by word. We dot the "i's"
and cross the "t's." If you can find a series
of words and put them together so that you and the
people sitting around the table agree on them, that's
powerful.
How is the agreement on words powerful?
When you reach the end of working on any agreed-upon
document, there is a sense of satisfaction and a sense
that we have a new landmark. My respect for words
has grown tremendously. Our understanding of words
is critical. Written words are important; it's an
art to speak them well.
How do words make or break relationships?
When you make someone a promise, you "give your
word;" it represents you. Wouldn't you choose
to do that carefully, with a little bit of thought?
What would you want to tell teenagers?
Sometimes it's better just to listen.
The views expressed in this interview are those
of the interviewee and not necessarily
those of the Department of State or the United States
government.
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